Can’t Gitmo Satisfaction

With apologies to Mick Jagger.

After the 1952 election, Harry Truman laughed about the problems that Eisenhower would face once he was inaugurated President. “He’ll sit here, and he’ll say, ‘Do this! Do that!’ And nothing will happen. Poor Ike – it won’t be a bit like the Army. He’ll find it very frustrating.”

Poor Barack. He has the opposite problem.  Not only do his vassals do what they think he directs and always take the fall for it, but according to him, his vassals do many things that he doesn’t even know about.  Until he reads about it in the papers.

Barack campaigned on closing Gitmo before his first election. That proved impractical unless the poor imprisoned Jihadis could be Mirandized and tried in the US courts with the same rights as natural-born citizens. A firestorm ensued and even his vassals couldn’t make his orders come true.  So much for the legal powers of the Presidency.

Obama is determined to close Gitmo no matter what assumed powers he must take or how that will work out afterward. During his hand-holding with the Castro brothers he has likely arranged for the transfer of the Guantanamo Naval Base (a piece of sovereign US territory, by the way) to the Cuban government. He will be following in the footsteps of Jimmy Carter when he surrendered the Panama Canal to the Torrijos government (and eventually to the Chinese).

So, class, step by step how will this be done? Several steps suggest themselves.

  • Obama will order the Navy to walk away from everything at Gitmo leaving it in perfect order and removing nothing.
  • Republicans in Congress will wail, tear their hair, gnash their teeth, rend their garments and then retire en masse to the Congressional Bar to drown their sorrows on the lobbyist’s tab, all while muttering dark imprecations about Obama’s lawless ways and how they are NOT going to forget this. Not for a long time. Nosirree. You bet.
  • The Base Exchange will immediately be looted and all contents taken to the Presidential Palace in an armed convoy.
  • The base chapel will immediately be defiled and converted to a latrine.
  • The base library will immediately be burned.
  • All toilet paper and soap in the enlisted restrooms will be offered to Cuban citizens on the black market for Yanqui dolars. Anyone attempting to pay with hard currency will have it confiscated, then be shot and their houses destroyed. Barter for pigs and chickens will be accepted.
  • All vehicles will be stripped for parts to keep the 1948 through 1958 American cars running, parts also to be sold on the black market (see above).
  • Cuban army privates will roar in, tear out all the plumbing and electrical wiring for sale to scrap dealers, get drunk on cheap rum and shoot up everything with Kalashnikovs and then  burn it all while celebrating with Army-supplied prostitutes.
  • Following the Palestinian model anything still remaining will be urinated upon.
  • Prepared propaganda will then be published in the New York Times revealing all the terrible things and horrible secrets that the freedom-loving Cuban Army found.
  • The Jihadi Gitmo alumni will muster up back home and re-establish  personal relationships with their goats.
  • Wives will be beaten for general sinfulness and plans will be made to attack Americans somewhere as soon and often as possible.

American newspapers (Least Significant Media) will ignore any of the above Cuban actions and publish glowing accounts about how Cuban citizens broke into the base to voluntarily plant peace gardens on the site of the infamous criminal naval base formerly occupied by the brutal, hegemonistic running dog lickspittle lackys of the warmongering  American Navy, which was driven into the ocean by the glorious and fearless actions of the brave Cuban Army, Navy, Air Force, Coast Guard and Castro Girl Guides.

Obama will immediately send congratulations to the Castro brothers on the successful ejection of the filthy Yanquis and will suggest immortalizing the turnover date as a Cuban holiday to be called “Triumph of the Glorious Revolution When the Hated NorteAmericanos Were Defeated Day”. (El Dia del Triunfo de la Revolución Gloriosa Cuando el Norteamericanos Odiado Fueron Derrotados).

Progressives in New York City, Austin Texas, Berkeley California and elsewhere will sneer at the US Navy and celebrate the anniversary waving paper Cuban flags.

UK newspapers will tell the story filtered through their particular editorial viewpoint but will generally agree that Obama gave up Gitmo without receiving anything in return.

Each of the good cigars Raul gave Obama will explode when he tries to light it after Michele makes him go out into the Rose Garden. He goes through all the cigars anyway, convinced that the next one won’t explode. He would have made the deal for cartons of Kools and bottles of 40-ounce Olde English 800 malt liquor, except the Castros didn’t have the cash to buy any.

This will all be Bush’s fault anyway.

C’mon In.  We Won’t Stop You

No borders? No Nation. It’s as simple as that.

Case in point: Europe. Despite 65 years and billions spent “creating” the European Union, this artificial construct has never been closer to dissolution.

What was this EU all about, anyway? Preventing the re-emergence of fascism? Cooling the nationalistic fervor of the citizens? Preventing WW III?  Lowering German economic capabilities into parity with Greece, Spain and Ireland? Maybe yes, but much more importantly, suppression of national identity. Everyone knows that national identity is not Progressive and is therefore dangerous.

How to attain this goal?  By holding a popular vote? No, don’t be silly. As Jonathan Gruber pointed out about Obamacare, that would kill  it.  How, then?

Rules.  Rules for everything. A common currency that everyone must use. More boards and rules to equalize the Euro price of Greek and Spanish olives with exceptions to allow adulterated olive oil to be labeled Extra Virgin for the stupid Americans. The old ways never change.

Forcing strong countries to subsidize weaker countries. The EU must also solicit “traditional European” countries like Cyprus, Macedonia and Turkey to join.

Why? Grow or die. Same rule for cancers.

The result? Unelected Brussels bureaucrats decide that a banana or cucumber that is “too bendy” couldn’t legally be sold as human food. Repealed but no matter… it was just intuitively fair and the goal felt right. How very Progressive.

And, by the way, increased taxes. Bureaucrats have to eat foie gras and drink the good wine, too.

And everyone agrees that the EU is too noble an idea to permit it to die.

What happens to a nation of individual States that has had a stable 239-year history of freedom and prosperity when the foundation concept of National Sovereignty is abandoned? The EU eventually happens.

Would a border security fence preserve US National sovereignty? Not by itself, but maybe as a part of a larger plan. The House Republicans proclaim that the existing 66 miles of southern border security fencing is ineffective and will have to be torn out and be replaced by 26 miles of “secure” border fencing.

Somehow forty fewer miles of fence equals better border security. Its Republican New Math. Remember: getting the correct answer is not as important as understanding how you got the wrong answer.

Remember the 700 miles of plain ‘ol border fence (mandated by the Secure Fence Act of 2006)? That evolved into a $1 Billion technology-demonstration fence that didn’t work at all (cameras, ground sensors and radars)? Canceled by the Obama administration.

Since then, half-hearted fence construction and “security ” has cost $9 Billion per year and the Nation still has NO southern-border security. Illegals walk across the border every night and the Obama administration immediately provides food, shelter, directions and transportation to sanctuary cities, driver licenses and (coming soon) free college education. What’s not to like?

Eventually, I predict that a very secure fence will be built that is 15 yards long, costs only another $5 Billion plus $500 Million per year for maintenance and be located hard up against an impassable rock cliff face that is already there. This fence will be secure. The legally-mandated 700-mile fence is being nibbled to death by ducks. The Secure Fence Act of 2006 will just be ignored following the Obama prerogative. Remember, you saw it here first.

More bad news: the Republicans have committed to “comprehensive immigration reform” this year.  Comprehensive is the key word.  A comprehensive immigration bill will likely include funding to protect the rights of same-sex snail darters and provide for Federal oversight rules defining and mandating gender-neutral restroom signage. The only possible saving grace will be if Obama actually vetoes everything that comes to his desk.  As if.

Do Americans care about border security? Yes. A recent Rasmussen poll shows “that 57% of Likely U.S. Voters think the United States should continue building a border fence.” Do House and Senate Republicans care? Not so you’d notice.  Texas RINO Michael McCaul, chair of the Homeland Security Committee has decided that a 700-mile fence is just not workable.

End of conversation.

Why? A secure fence does not play to the Republicans’ real base. Per the New York Times: Michael Bloomberg, the U.S. Chamber of Commerce, Apple, Facebook, Google, Hilton, Intel, Marriott, Microsoft and many others do not want the fence.  Do these worthies vote? Not exactly, but they do make substantial campaign donations. To both parties. And that’s persuasive enough.

What’s the matter Bunkie? Voters and citizens are not mentioned above? Maybe because voters  and citizens are not part of the Republican base since the election is now over.

Bear these points in mind and see if I have been wrong come 2016.  We vote for the President and many members of the US House and Senate in two years.  Do not fall for “elect us because we are Republicans and you have no other choice”. Vote against RINOs.

Wag the (tiny) Dog

Remember Bubba Clinton?

Dude, no. That was like a long time ago  (Tommy Vietor, former Obama NSC spokesboy).

Those of us old enough also recall that every time Bubba got into trouble, some kind of emergency would suddenly arise that would divert media attention from Bubba’s troubles to somewhere else for long enough that the media would “move on”. The spin cycle started anew each day.

“Wag the dog” immediately became shorthand for creating a diversion that took the heat off Bubba.

This worked very well; so such so that none of the Bubba scandals ever resulted in anyone losing a job or being prosecuted.

Well OK, Vince Foster did “commit suicide” at Fort Marcy Park and Ron Brown’s plane did fly into a mountain in Croatia. And Bubba did shed a tear at the Brown funeral after he noticed the cameras were on him.  And Hillary’s team did clean out Foster’s office before the DC Police got there. Google “Arkancide” for more background.

But other than those unfortunate events, being involved in wag the dog incidents were seen as a resume enhancer for Progressives.

In the ensuing years, WTD has been raised to a fine art. So much so that even RINOs can try to play the game.

Submitted for your consideration: John Boehner.

Better known in his early House career for hiding behind more dynamic politicians (Newt Gingrich, Teddy “the swimmer” Kennedy). As he gathered more House seniority, he became Boehner The Reticent. The quiet man with no principles and no strong opinions.

Boehner Rule One: Go along to get along.
Boehner Rule Two: See Rule One.

But then something terrible happened that endangered his entire career plan. In 2014, the Republicans won.

Overtaken and surprised by the Republican victory, he had no idea what to do next. He was suddenly assailed by Progressives demanding bipartisanship. Or else, they would talk nasty about him in the Least Significant Media. He wouldn’t get invited to the A-list parties any more. Lobbyists would no longer buy him the best single-malt scotch. He would have to open doors for himself.

Oh, the humanity.

He feared his Progressive support was in danger. He had to show that he was still willing to kiss Obama’s ring by funding all of Obama’s programs immediately as the House convened, Republican victory notwithstanding.

Which he did.

He was then shocked by the howls of the stupid, vile, unsophisticated, ignorant American electorate who foolishly thought he represented those who voted for and created his victory. Well, not his victory really; he was just along for the ride having given no encouragement or rallying cries along the way.

More insult? He was further “shocked” by a belated revolt among the Republican house members objecting to his rushing a huge carte blanche government funding Cromnibus into law. A “close” Republican vote for an alternative Speaker was a wee splash of ice water. Plagiarizing the words of John Kerry, he held his breath, stamped his tiny feet and demanded, “Don’t you know who I am?”

This was all clumsy RINO stage management. The revolt was a farce. A brutal, take-no-prisoners purge ensued to punish those who had convictions. Even stalwarts buckled.

Anything to fool the proles.

Fresh out of new ideas, panic now ensues at Camp Boehner. What to do now? What to do?

Wag the dog says his staff. Well, maybe not a big dog. He is John Boehner after all and has a low-key reputation to defend. Maybe just a teensy little dog. Say, a bad-tempered snappy Chihuahua. With worms. Yeah, that’s the ticket.

“Man up John” says Naomi Wolfe. No more crying in public.

Boehner’s staff immediately orders iron cojones from Amazon Prime™. Real clangers. With a manly leather belt and a Houston Rodeo buckle to hold them up. Despite John’s preference, Naomi advises that a leather-and-lace garter belt won’t do. And she would know, having advised Al Gore on manliness.

Immediately after free second-day delivery and a trial fitting (just to see how they would feel), Boehner “brutally slams Obama in a floor speech” and “cites 22 times president says he couldn’t create his own law”. Drudge headline: “House defunds executive action shielding illegals from deportation”.

Zoweee! What a man of action!

Obama approves.

What’s more, real men lead dangerous lives. A bartender is discovered in a poison-Boehner’s-drinks plot. These fiends really know how to hurt a manly man.

Wag the dog worked for Bubba… he had the Least Significant Media running interference for him always. Regardless what Bubba did, he always ended up smelling like a rose.

What does Boehner smell like? Stale cigarette smoke, cheap booze and flop sweat. And the cajones make his back ache if he wears them too long.

Wag the tiny dog isn’t going to work for Boehner. He has no ability to sustain anything longer than 4 hours even with medication.

Do not be fooled.

A Map By Fools

Headline: HarperCollins publishes middle-East map, omits Israel because of ‘regional sensitivities’

Yesterday I sent a blunt email to Please consider doing likewise if this annoys you as much as it does me.

HarperCollins, removing Israel from a map* to appease the Muslims does not eliminate Israel from the world. It also does not appease the Muslims. Nothing appeases the Muslims except subjugation to Islam; is everyone at HarperCollins ready to convert? Even that is not a sure thing; Muslims kill Muslims every day for any reason  or no reason at all.The Jihadis will still cut your head off, if given the chance because you will never be a real Muslim.

The Muslims have been attempting to remove Israel since 1948 and have been soundly thrashed every time they have tried. This will continue to occur when it is tried again, as it assuredly will be.

You have violated the only basis for credible cartography: representing the world as it is, rather than as you (or someone) wishes it to be.

Accuracy is all you have to sell; right now you don’t even have that.

I cannot decide if this decision was made by an ignorant low-level millennialist with a snarky sense of smug superiority or an over-educated academic (poly-sci?) anarchist that has been promoted far beyond any level of competence.

HarperCollins needs to hold a top-to-bottom management review to determine how this was done and impose appropriate severe discipline to assure that it never occurs again. The remaining shreds of your credibility rely upon your public disclosure of the facts of this situation and a sincere rejection of this kind of political mayhem.

You transparent fools. What could you possibly have thought that you would gain by this?