Jeb! has dropped out of the presidential race.
Or ¡Heb!, as he is known to his Mexican citizen cross-border political refugee supporters, huddled masses longing to invade the US to breathe free while being provided with state driver licenses, Section 8 housing, US tax refunds on undeclared cash income, EBT cards, free child care and free college scholarships.
¡Jeb! lifts his lamp beside the golden door. What a guy! (with thanks to Emma Lazarus).
¡Jeb! did beat out Bernie Sanders with all these promises. Must have been a shock to Bernie, who thought he could out-promise anybody.
¡Jeb! will not be able to reciprocate the “acts of love” committed by the illegal immigrants when they broke the law to come here. .As Obama pointed out to the Republicans, “You lost.”
¡Jeb! is out not a minute too soon, either. Maybe just about on-time.
First ¡Jeb! had to lose all the GOP debates.
Which he did.
Then ¡Jeb! had to lose the Iowa caucus.
Which he did. ¡Jeb! did beat out Rubio in New Hampshire (just barely).
Then ¡Jeb! had to lose the South Carolina primary.
Which he did.
Along the way ¡Jeb! had to burn through $100,000,000 of PAC money (that’s millions to us rubes).
Which he did.
¡Jeb! eventually called in his mother for support and when that had no effect on his poll numbers, he called in his brother W. Not enough either.
Along the way, ¡Jeb! revealed that he is a whiney, pathetic, narcissistic misfit, not unlike Obama.
But Obama still wears the crown of Narcissus; [n. excessive or erotic interest in oneself and one’s physical appearance.]
¡Jeb!, you even lost that contest. Narcissism requires exaggerated self love that you apparently do not have. As your Mom says, “You are too nice.”
As the designated 2016 presidential candidate of the UniParty©, the GOPe and the US Chamber of Commerce, hopes were high that ¡Jeb! would roll over the other candidates, and especially destroy “that Blowhard” Trump.
Mashable collected the most awkward and absurd moments from the campaign. Read them and snicker.
¡Jeb! had a hard time getting traction in his head on the question whether W’s Iraq invasion was something he would have done. [The Hill]
Shades of John F’in Kerry. ¡Jeb! was for it, then he realized that he had “misunderstood the question” and then finally he was against it, all in the space of a week.
¡Jeb! commented that he wasn’t sure about the usefulness of the $500 million subsidy to Planned Parenthood; that attracted unfriendly fire from both sides.
¡Jeb! opined that “anchor babies” were the offspring of “Asian people” and immediately offended a hitherto non-offended ethnic group.
Commenting on the efficacy of gun control after a mass shooting at Umpqua College in Roseburg Ore, ¡Jeb! observed that “stuff happens”. Even Obama wouldn’t let that one pass by.
¡Jeb! began a “Jeb Can Fix It” tour to relaunch his campaign, to no particular effect. The cool kids on his campaign staff decided to attack the other candidates on the Web.
“… the website JebCanFixIt.com continues to direct traffic to a website for a Texan who unsuccessfully ran for city council in Austin. (JebBush.com continues to redirect to Trump’s website.)” [The Hill]
No longer; JebBush.com now doesn’t redirect anywhere; much like the erstwhile candidate.
Imagine the morning-after headaches of the GOPe bundlers when they realized not only that ¡Jeb! had flopped out of the race but burned through $100,000,000 along the way. How did he do that?
According to the NY Post, “There were stays at boutique hotels featuring rooftop pools, private soirees at members-only, jacket-and-tie clubs and fundraisers at the Four Seasons, the St. Regis and the Mandarin Oriental.”
Sudden poverty has gotta be a real bummer, man. Just ask Kanye West.
“In Iowa, Bush spent a whopping $2,800 per vote. In New Hampshire, the campaign spent $1,150 per vote: a steal compared to Iowa.” [The Bustle]
I called all this in my post “Dynasties End” published in May of 2015.
It is too early to breathe a sigh of relief. The long slog continues and we are by no means out of the woods.
Its’s just that one blockhead is no longer in our path to stumble over.